The winner of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Contest, which honors deliverately bad writing:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss -- a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

Molly Ringle
Seattle, WA

At the site (which could easily compete for a "worst Web design of 2010" award), the history of the contest lurks below the turgid winning losing prose:

Since 1982 the English Department at San Jose State University has sponsored the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels....

The contest draws its name from best-selling 19th-century novelist Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who contributed these gems to our low-rent canon:

--"It was a dark and stormy night"
--"the pen is mightier than the sword"
--"the great unwashed"
--"the almighty dollar"